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Socks Clinton
Socks Clinton (born Mr. Socks the Cat) or sometimes called "Sox" by his close friends, was secretly the "First Feline President" of The United States, but officially he was known as the "First Cat". He was Bill Clinton's evil puppetmaster, secretly running the show while Bubba kept everyone distracted with his smooth, greasy charm. Mr. Socks’ Early Years Mr. Socks was the son of Adolph Katler and Eva Lilith Tigris. Adolph Katler was a white cat and a third generation German feline. Mr. Katler changed his family name to Cat before Socks was born, according with family gossip he wanted a more “American” sounding name for his family. Socks’ mother was Eva Lilith Tigris, she was a black cat and a German immigrant. Eva Tigris migrated to the United States after WWII, according with her she was escaping persecution and discrimination against black cats in Europe at the time, but she would soon learn that black cat discrimination was frequent in America. Many to this day view black cats as unlucky, being Satan’s pets, and the favorite of witches and pagans, but there is no evidence whatsoever that Eva Tigris was a devil worshiper or was ever befriending witches, but she sure was unlucky being born black. Mr. Socks was born on August 4 1961 in Little Rock, Arkansas. Socks was the 12th kitten from a litter in a pet shop. While many of his siblings dreamed of chasing mice or spending their days ‘purring’ in the lap of some old ladies, Mr. Socks dreamed of attaining the Highest Office in the Land… he wanted to be president… but he knew that ‘speciecists’ would make that dream difficult. Mr. Socks knew that many Americans trusted “dogs” more than cats… worst, being a biocolor cat (black and white) would make it more difficult to appeal to voters who saw him as ‘exotic’ and ‘foreign’… Yet, even with those obstacles in his way, that did not impede his ambitions for the presidency. At first Socks was affiliated as a Republicat (felines are a minority in the Republican Party), but then he switched parties in 1972 as a Democat. When asked later why the change of parties, Socks cited "philosophical differences" (it was "alleged" years later that the reason he switched parties was because there were too many Republicanines in the party. Dogmacrats were a minority in the Democratic Party in 1972.) Socks was academically gifted and he graduated as an honor student in “PetSmart High”. However, financially Socks was unable to go to the university of his choice. So he decided to work at a Dumpster, behind a McDonalds during the night selling leftovers, and at day he would work as an intern in a law office. Soon Socks was able to attain a scholarship and a student loan, so he went to Harvard Law School to become a lawyer. In 1974 Mr. Socks graduated from the Harvard Law School with top honors, and in 1977 he worked with Bill Clinton as his legal attorney. “Bubba” was very impressed with the feline, and soon Mr. Socks became his most trusted confidant… Mr. Socks, the “Unofficial” Governor of Arkansas When Clinton wanted to run for the office of Governorship in Arkansas. Few were impressed with the idea. So “Bubba” sought the help of Mr. Socks to help him win the position. Many agree that without the help of Mr. Socks, “Bubba” wouldn’t even be considered to be elected to anything… not even as a “dog catcher”… When Clinton became Governor of Arkansas in 1978, Mr. Socks was offered the job as the “unofficial” governor while “Bubba” spend most the days partying and sleeping with “interns” (this was a full-time job). Of course these illicit activities and “affairs” were ‘covered-up’ thanks to the ingenuity of Mr. Socks’ impressive skills. “Bubba” would play the part as the “face” of the governorship and win the heart’s and mind’s of the public, and Mr. Socks would play as the brain’s behind the man and run a very impressive governorship. The Citizens of Arkansas were impressed with Bill Clinton's governorship that there were whispers that Clinton should be president, without realizing that the Cat was the actual governor. Race to the Presidency When Bill “Bubba” Clinton spoke of running for the presidency, many of his advisors disapproved of the idea. Many believed that while Clinton was a “pretty boy” and would easily win the liberal vote, he was considered to be inept and possessed terrible leadership skills. Yet, the liberals were desperate to have a democratic president in the White House, even a bad democratic president was better than a republican president. So a secret meeting was conveyed to figure out a solution. Many of these liberal bearrorists noticed Bill’s companion, Mr. Socks, and they were impressed with his career and administrative skills. But they knew that America was not ready for “The First Feline President”, so a secret deal was made. If Bill “Bubba” Clinton was elected, he would officially be the president but in name only, and Mr. Socks would be a “secret president” and run the office while “Bubba” spend his time playing… Without surprise, Bill Clinton (and Mr. Socks) won the Democratic Party nomination, only very few selected individuals knew about the secret deal that was made. With the help of Mr. Socks, Bill Clinton won the Presidential Election in 1992, and they were both ready to move into the White House. But they both knew that they needed a cover story so they wouldn't arouse suspicion. So they made a cover story that Mr. Socks rescue Chelsea Clinton from "bears" and he was adopted by the family in 1991 (despite conflicting evidence) to justify Mr. Socks move into the White House and taking residency within the Presidential Office. That year, Mr. Socks the Cat legally changed his name to Socks Clinton when he was adopted by Bill, but Hillary was opposed to the adoption. Mr. Socks was given the official title of "First Pet" or "First Cat" and Bill "Bubba" Clinton gave him unlimited presidential powers. The Socks/Clinton Administration Socks' Economic Agenda Socks' Foreign Policy * He let Japanese people make a Super Nintendo and Sega Genesis game out of him, but Socks nuked the offices of the creators of the game before release. Socks' Celebrity During the presidential election of 1992 Bill Clinton’s popularity soared thanks to the talents of Mr. Socks. But Clinton was not the only one that caught the eyes of the Nation. During Clintons’ presidential campaign, Bubba was accompanied by Mr. Socks as his campaign advisor and they would both hold photo ops for the public. But there was also a practical reason that Mr. Socks was photographed along with Clinton. Mr. Socks had a plan to win the feline vote and make cat-lovers in America embrace Clinton as one of their own. Mr. Socks knew that pet owners would easily identify with Bubba if they saw him as a warm animal lover… The stunt worked and Bubba won the approval of animal lovers and cats… but what Clinton and Mr. Socks failed to notice was that America also noticed Mr. Socks and he gained instant fame. They did not expected for Mr. Socks to become overly popular and an overnight sensation. Never in the history of America did a cat became famous overnight for just being a cat; unlike celebrity cats, Mr. Socks was never comfortable with the idea of being a celebrity. Some have even suggested that Socks was more popular than Bill Clinton. Bubba didn’t mind as long as it helped him to win the presidency. At first Socks refused to hold interviews or speak with late-night talk host shows, but Bill persuaded Socks to do it. Bill believed it would be good publicity for the both of them. Socks relented and he started to talk with reporters, celebrities, and other late night hosts. But unfortunately for Mr. Socks the public and the audience expected Mr. Socks to do… cat things. (“Bill, they want me to chase a ball of wool and play with it!! For God’s sake I went to Harvard!!!”) But with time Socks embraced his celebrity cult status and started to use it to advance the power of the presidency on the people. At the same time Bubba was able to get more “tail” thanks to the cuteness and popularity of Mr. Socks… Mr. Socks would spend most of his time in the Oval Office performing Clinton’s job, running the country, and signing bills (all in secret). Mr. Socks was a workaholic so Bubba would remind Socks not to neglect his celebrity status and to have some "fun". So to the advice of Bubba, from time to time Mr. Socks would try to mingle with the people in public events, spend his time wooing celebrities, and getting to know foreign dignitaries to enhance the image of Bubba’s presidency. Socks' popularity was a great sensation and America loved Socks. Books were published about Socks and his life, plush toys with his image were sold all over the world, video games were released about Socks' misadventures, and Hollywood even released his "life story" titled "From the Dumpster to the White House: The Inspirational Life Story of Mr. Socks, America's Cat" (Socks found it to be overly embellished). MTV even released a music video of a Socks look-alike rapping some lyrics. Bubba found it hilarious... Socks was not amused. Whatever Socks liked it or not, he was now America's cat and Socks was expected to meet the expectations of an adoring public. Veterinarians were worried that the burden of the Oval Office and a Celebrity lifestyle would be too much on the cat. So Bill tried his best to help him with the burden of being a celebrity. Mr. Socks suspected that Bubba was taking advantage of the situation, rather than helping him deal with the pressures of an adoring public. Incidents from fans and hate groups With popularity, also came great risks and dangers, and Mr. Socks was not the exception. As Socks popularity grew, he was starting to attract the attention of crazy fans, stalkers, as well as hate groups. There were many incidents over the years, but the ones from Bill/Socks presidency were the most disturbing ones. Many of Socks' fans were harmless and just star-struck, but there were few exceptions in which those cases were considered “dangerous situations” It was not unusual for Socks to receive letters from children looking to be his pet, from adults wanting to know more about him, or from cats and their owners asking questions on how to better care their pet/human. Socks was also disturbed to receive hate mail from critics and hate groups, this was the first time he experienced such hatred. However, it was unusual and scary for him to receive love letters and marriage proposals from cats, dogs, and even humans! * In April 15 1993, a deranged cat lady tried to breach the White House lawn. She wanted to kidnap Mr. Socks and adopt him as her own. * In September 7 1993, Socks started to receive threatening letters from the KKK (Kennel Kanine Klan). A doggy supremacist groups that viewed cats and felines as inferior and dangerous. Many of their members suggested that Cats were secretly trying to take over the world and create a New Feline World Order… (ridiculous, right?) * In December 17 1995, a German Shepard bit a Secret Service Agent as the dog tried to get to Mr. Socks. The German Sheppard wanted to have an audience with Socks to inform him that “Space Aliens” were trying to invade America. At the time of the incident Mr. Socks was in the Pentagon being debrief about a possible terrorist attacks from Bears. * In February 12 1996, an obsessed teenage girl started to send love letters to Socks and she even propositioned to marry Mr. Socks and to have his kittens. In later months the teenager became so afflicted with her obsession that she tried to break into the White House so they could both elope to Las Vegas. She was arrested and sent to a sanitarium. Mr. Socks was worried about these incidents, but Bubba shrugged it off. Bill thought fans and haters were just being a little extreme in their behavior. However, the FBI was concern and worried about the hate letters and death threats from hate groups like the “Kennel Kanine Klan” and the “Fidos Only for America”… so they investigated and suggested Mr. Socks to increase security just in case. Assassination Attempt against Socks The "Other" Pet Socks Vs Buddy The Break Up (or How "Buddy" Stole "Bubba" from Mr. Socks) The Suspicious Death of Buddy The Tragic Accident of Buddy Socks' "Alleged" Anti-Caninetism ]] Party...]] Socks' "Alleged" "Cover-up" of the Lewinsky "Affair" Socks' Attempt for a "Third" Term Life After the Presidency American Pets Mourn The Loss of a Great Leader External Tubes * WELCOME TO SOCKS THE CAT™ FAN CLUB! and BUDDY'S BUDDIES * The Death of Buddy or Who Framed Socks Clinton? * Video Game "Socks the Cat Rocks the Hill" promises to be #1 in America! * PRESIDENTIAL CAT TALES * Buddy Clinton was a "secret" Republicanine!! * Hillary betrays Socks * Socks still resentful against backstabbing Hillary * Socks the Cat endorses Obama * Socks diagnosed with Cancer * Socks brave battle against Cancer * Celebrity Cat dies in his late teens * "First Cat" looses battle against Cancer * Socks' photo collection * Nation mourns loss * Socks wished to be buried in Cattown, USA * Democats to Honor Socks Clinton *Sockington III Long distant cousin of Socks